a choice isn't (necessarily) forever

I've been trying to discover what is next for me. I know that it's time for a change, and I have lots of great ideas, but it feels like I've just been going around and around and around. Since I didn't know every detail of what that next thing might look like, I continued to do nothing - waiting for the "right thing" to reveal itself to me.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany. The reason that I'm in this place is because I thought that I had to make "the" choice - that whatever I picked, I was stuck with until I died. Based on that criteria, of course the decision had to be perfect. I forgot that if I made a decision and didn't like it or it didn't work out, I could be grateful for the lesson and experience and clarity and then do something else. Now that I have remembered this, I feel so free - I can choose to do anything!

The funny thing is that I don't know how I forgot this. I say it all the time: "If I lose my job, I'll be fine - I'll just go do something else." And I always mean it. I really would be fine. I really would go do something else. And that something else wouldn't even have to be perfect. Maybe it's because in that scenario, someone would be making the harder choice (stay or go) for me.

I'd love to hear your stories around this topic. Do you struggle with making decisions because the decisions have to be perfect? Is it easier for small or large decisions?

Comments

[tammy]

A wonderful, profound discovery. and one you've made while still young! when i was 33 yrs old, my husband died of cancer. he was my soulmate. we could sit up til 2 in the morning just talking and drinking coffee. my parents died when i was young and so after B died, my family consists of one dearly loved brother. my entire life, i have never been a "goal setter." i have no children, but even if i did, i think i would still feel the same. the secret i learned as a teenager and still follow, is to value and nurture only love, creativity and contentment. if you believe, and you do, that you will be ALRIGHT in whatever you choose to do, then you will be. why do people make it so hard? paraphrasing here . . . "if you know you have enough, then you will always have enough." i am 63 years old, i live in a little cottage i'm buying from the bank. the decor is what i call cottage minimalism. no STUFF. i value light and fresh air and space. but on cold grey days i like to "light the corners . . . " so there are little lamps that cast golden light. i have a dog to walk and love on, enough to eat, wonderful books to read, and people like you whose pictures feed my soul.

[Toni]

Fear is what stops me from making a decision, or even following through on a decision once it has been made. Can I do this? Can I make it on my own? Can I find another job that I will like and will pay the bills? If I move, can I find a house that I can afford that isn't a dump? I really do want to move, but...

[Elizabeth]

tammy: thank you for sharing your story. You are absolutely right. We make it so much harder than it really is. I am trying to remember that. Love and creativity aren't the values I have followed in the past .. but they are ones that I consider important - and will be following in the present/future. :)

toni: I have those fears too (well, not the house ones). I am giving them their time to express themselves but I also remember that I really do have faith in myself and if this idea doesn't work out, I can go on to the next one. Hey -- here's an idea for you. (I've been doing it myself and it always shifts my perspective which starts things moving in the direction I want them to go.) Pick a number. Say 5 or 10 or 15. Write down that many positive things about your current house. If you can write more, write more. Do this daily. See what happens. :)

[Julie M.]

The thing that I find so interesting is that we often do fear making the "wrong" decision. In looking back though, we learn SO much from our choices and often even more from the ones that may have been "wrong". Yet, would we really take them back? Because we grew and learned and discovered a little bit more of ourselves...

I am working on this very thing.

[Elizabeth]

julie: that's a very good point. I can think of things I've done that may have been "wrong", as you say, but I learned a lot about myself from them. As Oprah says, "When you know better, you do better." :) And it's sometimes so much easier to learn what to do or what you want from the opposite.

[Tricia Alexander]

thank you for directing me here. this is exactly what i am talking about and it helps to read what you and others have to say. i need to remember that whatever i choose does not have to be forever and i need to remember something my husband told me..."think about what matters most to you right now".

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

@Tricia: I'm glad it was useful. I like your husband's suggestion, and I know you will find the thing that is right for you. Love to you!