retinal perspectives

your body memory

After I started giving myself reiki treatments, a most peculiar thing began to occur. In random moments, my jaw would pull downward and force my mouth open, and it would then lock my mouth in that open position - usually for a minute or two. This was fine during reiki treatments. But then it began happening elsewhere - often when I was driving. Considering that when your mouth is open for a while, you start to drool, this was definitely not something I wanted to continue. I had no idea what this meant, or what to do. I asked my reiki practitioner about it once and she said that I would know what it meant eventually. Argh.

Recently, I was relaxing in savasana after yoga. All of a sudden, I had the passing thought that perhaps my jaw thing was due to my burn - that it was opening my mouth in a scream that I never screamed. But then I dismissed the idea - it seemed too crazy.

Well .. I went to see a shamanic counselor on Friday (who I'd recommend, by the way). I happened to mention my randomly locking jaw because it was happening even more frequently last week. She said something about body memory, pulled out a crystal, and began asking questions. She wasn't asking me, so I assume she was asking my body. As soon as she asked the first question (is this a body memory?), I burst into tears without the faintest idea why. She got that it was a body memory, that it was from age 6, and that it was a sound and an action.

I was 6 when I was burnt. Clearly my crazy idea wasn't so crazy after all.

two steps forward, one step back

I was so sure that my cat allergies were completely gone. So sure, in fact, that I almost got a cat two weeks ago. [It didn't love Atlas, so I decided against it.]

Then I visited my sister - who has three cats.

I didn't sleep at her place, but we hung out there during the day quite a bit. The first couple of days were great. I kept noting that I felt perfectly fine - no breathing issues (she was skeptical, so this was my way of saying "I told you so"). The next couple of days, I was very sneezy and sniffly. However, when one is used to not being able to breathe, those symptoms are a piece of cake to deal with. But, the next night, I felt a familiar constriction in my throat. The coughing started. My breathing was shallow. I woke up in the middle of the night and had to take a puff of my inhaler. I sat and meditated for a while and the constriction eased. The next day - the day I left - we hung out on their porch instead.

My breathing is back to normal again, but I don't mind telling you that I was sorely disappointed by the reaction. I did some moping, some pondering, some meditating .. then I finally moved past it. I mean, I spent almost five days around cats with no steroids. Seriously, that is amazing - why on earth was I moping. Yes, I still have healing to do, but it will happen when it's time. I know that now.

interesting ..

I just had an interesting experience while giving my puppy Atlas a reiki treatment, so I thought I'd share.

I picked Atlas up from boarding yesterday. Apparently he ran and ran and ran and had lots of fun. I noticed that he was walking funny this evening, and his hindquarters were sensitive to the touch, so I figured that he was probably a bit sore from all the activity and could use a bit of reiki.

He settled in and was enjoying it .. but about an hour into the session, he started trembling and quietly crying. [I was giving him a mental and physical treatment.] He did this a few times. I could see images in my head .. but they were so fuzzy that I didn't really know what they were. The next thing I knew, I was sobbing. No idea why. After a while, he lifted his head up and looked over at me. He was done - and fine. I cried for a bit longer until my tears were gone, and then I was fine too.

Since it wasn't my treatment, I fear the epiphany will never come. But I'm glad whatever he was holding in is now gone.

body chatter

Before I started reiki, I paid little to no attention to my body - what it was saying to me, that is. I'm not sure if it was more that I didn't hear it, or that I didn't notice it. Now, I hear it all the time - and notice everything that is out of the ordinary. I can feel when random muscles twitch. I can feel when there is tightness in my jaw. I can feel when my belly is clenched with anxiety or fear. Everything ..

The problem with this is that I like to know what things mean. In other words, it means that I spend a lot of time wondering what on earth my body is trying to tell me. I'm sure that some of it is normal. But I know that some of it is an early warning signal (stress or anxiety or ..). I just don't know how to tell the difference. Hopefully I will get better at this as time goes on.

Does your body talk to you? Can you usually tell what it's saying?

As an aside, before I realized how in tune I was, I was talking to my sister (who is skeptical about reiki). She told me that she had figured reiki out - that it just helps people get in tune with their bodies. "But I'm not!" I said. Then I proceeded to tell her about the little twitch in my left cheek that was puzzling me.

[By the way, I am on vacation as of tomorrow - so there will be no new posts until the 18th.]

spreading reiki around

When I decided to get my reiki I attunement, I was doing it purely for me. As is probably clear, I love alternative methods of healing, and I thought reiki might be something good to have in my "tool kit". Truth be told, I wasn't entirely sure about this whole energy thing. However, I had recently tried reiki and had an interesting experience, so I figured I'd just see what happened.

During the class, I signed up for the reiki II class that was a few weeks later. I had just decided to cancel a trip to China for the same weekend as the class (health issues of others) and I figured that perhaps it was a sign that I was meant to take the class.

Anyway, nothing too earth-shattering happened during the attunement or class, and I still wasn't convinced that I could feel energy, but I went home and started giving myself a treatment daily. And I did start to notice changes .. I could clear my sinuses and it eased a recurring shoulder pain.

After the second attunement, things really started to shift. (Reiki II works at the mental and emotional level.) Those are stories for lots of other posts - if only I could remember them all - but suffice it to say that it was a very emotionally draining time for me. There were many moments when all I wanted was to turn reiki off and take a break for a while. The reiki master class allows you to give attunements to others so they can practice reiki - but the only reason I signed up for it four months later was because I thought it might help me with everything that was coming up.

However, seven months later, I cannot imagine not sharing reiki with others - even if that was not my intention when I started this. You know how something can be the same, and yet be completely different? That's how I feel about myself. Everything is the same. And yet everything is completely different. I know there is something to energy healing because I have experienced it for myself. And I must say, it is fantastic!

breathe into it

I've had a tightness near my heart chakra for a few days. It felt like there was a clenched fist in the center of my chest. I wasn't sure exactly why it was present, but figured a fear had come up.

I sat down to meditate this evening. While I was sitting, I tried breathing into my heart space and just feeling the tightness. Not trying to loosen it (which is what I usually do), but just feeling it and letting it be. All of a sudden, I felt a strange sensation spread throughout my torso - it felt like something was dissolving or melting. It was a very neat sensation. When it stopped, the tightness was gone!