your normal

"How do you react when you believe that what is isn't normal for you? Shame, sadness, despair. Who would you be without that thought? At ease with your condition and loving it, whatever it is, because you would realize that it is completely normal, for you. Even if 99 percent of other people look a different way, their normal isn't your normal: this is your normal ..

Give us permission, through you, to have a flaw, because flaws are the norm. When you hide your flaws, you teach us to hide ours. I love to say that we are just waiting for one teacher, just one, to give us permission to be who we are now. You appear as this, big or small, straight or bent. That's such a gift to give. The pain is in withholding it."

I read this passage in A Thousand Names for Joy by Bryon Katie the other day and it hit home. My scar is my normal. It has been for 20-plus years. And I spent all of that time trying to hide it. It was/is very tiring to argue with reality for that long. At the same time, I would never tell someone else to hide their "flaws". I would tell them to embrace them - that they're beautiful. And I would mean it. Seriously. How on earth does our own thinking get so crazy?!

Comments

[Toni]

That's a beautiful passage, E. I had to read it through several times. One needs to embrace the words, the truths spoken, so one can embrace their normal. Everyone has flaws of one sort or another, and to the important people in our lives, they aren't important and we don't even see them. I work with a man who has a scar on his face, I think it is around his mouth somewhere. But that's my point, I know it is there, but I no longer see it. That's what we need to do with our own flaws, accept that they are there, but no longer see them.

[Mella]

"normalization is a systematic way of ensuring that a database structure is suitable for general-purpose querying and free of certain undesirable characteristics."

how boring.

i have always had two crooked front teeth. before I found out that in our society this wasn't 'normal', I rather enjoyed that my bite in an apple was different than other people's. I recognized it as my own personal mark, in a way. Our dear friend Jenny helped me through a phase of wanting braces only for cosmetic reasons, when she simply expressed that this was something that made me, me.

[tammy]

my only regret is that it took me almost all of my 63 years to FINALLY love even my flaws, let alone myself as a whole. i was raised by a military man, totally beloved by me, but also as one of his new recruits. LOTS of shoulds and should nots. must conform to the corps. it takes a lot of years to un-do that kind of mind struggle. now for the first time in my life, (actually the last 4 yrs, since my retirement) have i been LOVING being ME! i have not been bored one single moment in those 4 years. i have been discovering who i really am, flaws and all. i wouldn't be normal if you paid me! I love all you girls. i have a feeling i'm older than all or most of you. your courage and creativity and humor and insights excite me, not just for you but for the world you're inheriting. it's in GOOD flawed hands! btw... the lack of capitals does not mean inferiority complex... more like ee cummings... lazy or artful? you decide!

[Toni]

Tammy, you're not THAT much older than I am, but I do think I'm quite a bit older than E. :) I've found it best to laugh at myself as often as possible, that way other people feel okay about laughing at me, because I do the dumbest things! And I'm not blonde, I promise! (No offense to blondes.)

[Elizabeth]

but you did it! and that is fantastic! I love your description of how you've never been bored - it is an interesting journey (self-discovery, that is) for sure!

(I love ee cummings, and her lack of capitalization) :)

[Elizabeth]

or see them as beautiful - either way would work, I think. thanks for offering another example!

[Elizabeth]

I like that - "I recognized it as my own personal mark". That is perfect! It's a good reminder that everything about us is what makes us us - and we should celebrate it.

thanks for sharing your story!

[Andrea]

i love this post. it made my heart ache. i have so much to say in response, yet can find no words at all ...

[Elizabeth]

if you find the words and are willing, please do share your thoughts!