get out of my head

Do you ever wish you could get out of your head? Go back to the days when you were blissfully self-unaware?

I go through these periods. There is generally whining involved. (Sometimes to me. Sometimes to others.) There is the occasional pillow punch (which then invokes guilt because pillow punching makes the four-legged housemate nervous and sad). There is much self-pity. "Why oh why can't I just be normal and not think about these things and want to work on them!" and "Why oh why is this all so hard!" and "Aren't I done yet?!" and "I'd like to turn the reiki off now please!" There might be snacking, if I actually have snacks on hand. (I am sorely lacking today. Well, I have orange creamsicle colored watermelon - which is lovely in itself but it's not great self-pity food.) There is weeping and gnashing of teeth. (Ok, not really, but I like the phrase.)

Oh, I know it will pass. But sometimes it seems like it was all so much simpler back then. (I say back then like it was ages ago. Ummmm .. it was last fall.) When I could eat my pancakes for breakfast and be happy - and not notice that my stomach felt like a lead weight and I was miserable afterwards so perhaps I should consider not eating wheat in the mornings. Or when I could feel a sharp pain in my heart and think it must be gas - instead of knowing that something is probably coming up to be addressed. Or when I could just get annoyed - instead of getting annoyed and then being interested that I'm annoyed and wondering what "my stuff" is that's making me annoyed.

Oh the other hand, back then I couldn't whine on the internet. It really is the little things.

Comments

[mella]

Sweet post.

Some personal growth information out there seems to intend to lead us to believe (and of course our mind wants us to believe) that as we grow and expand along our journey, that things get easier (or we choose to believe in our minds that they are 'supposed' to get easier)... but in most ways, it just increases the need for constant vigilance...

It's not lost on me that you and Atlas chose each other, my fave part of this post is how he gave you the opportunity to see how aware of your own compassion you are, and to remind you to be gentle with your 'self'..... It is a solo journey, yet you are not alone.... :~)

Hang in there, and believe that another *glimpse* of why it is all worth it is coming!

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

mella! i've missed your insights. :)

that is true .. there is always another layer to peel, and it seems like the deeper layers do require more work. which makes sense.

happily, i do know it's all worth it. but i also do enjoy a good whine from time to time. ;)