bits of randomness

First bit of randomness ..

I had the oddest of odd weeks. I was flighty and ditzy and forgetful and made the kind of mistakes that I never make - and are totally unlike me. (I was starting to feel sorry for my coworkers.)

I even got a note on my apartment door one day saying that I hadn't paid them for rent or parking and that if I didn't pay in a few days, they would start eviction proceedings. Ummmm .. I remembered adding up the water and parking and rent - and writing out the check - and dropping it off. I remembered because I called them right after I dropped off the check to see why on earth my water bill doubled. After wandering around my apartment for a few minutes mumbling something about incompetence (because clearly if I didn't owe them for water, then they got my check - and totally missed the rent and parking part of it), I went online to see if the check had cashed. Lo and behold, the check was written out for the amount of my water bill. Apparently I was so distracted by the water bill that I added it all up only to ignore it. Like I said - mistakes that are totally unlike me.

After this, I started to wonder if I was going crazy. Someone mentioned that Mercury was in retrograde and I even went so far as to think that maybe that was it. I mean, there is always a logical explanation, right? But I was clueless as to what it was.

I was telling one of my coworkers my rent story (because it is a good story) and she asked if I had been getting enough sleep. Sleep! Eureka! I have not been sleeping much at all. No idea why, but sleep is a slippery elusive thing these days. Now, I know just how important it is. (Note to self: Didn't you just write a blog post about the basics. Clearly you should read your own posts.)

Second bit of randomness ..

I have this pattern. I see someone who is not happy. I want them to be happy. I feel like it's my responsibility to make them happy.

This is a very old pattern.

It is not good for the someone(s). They don't need people to try to make them happy. They need people who will be there with them in the hard - and give them the support they need (which is not always trying to make them feel something they are not).

It is not good for me. For many reasons. It means that I take on emotions that are not mine and carry them around with me. It means that I am trying to do a job that is not mine - and doesn't need doing. It means that I feel responsible for someone else's feelings - and the only person who is responsible for how you feel is you. It is a big part of the reason why I could never be myself. Et cetera.

I recognize the pattern now. I guess that's a start.

Comments

[mella]

Are you a fellow HSP?

I try not to make a practice of attaching myself to labels, but have had many 'aha moments' since I began to understand this inherent trait present in some of us...

If I am in a state of overwhelm on a physiological level, I don't handle the most basic elements of living well, and I agree that *awareness* is key.

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

@mella: I just learned about HSPs on The Fluent Self. Oh my goodness, it explained so much. I think she mentioned that Elaine Aron has a book - I need to see if the library carries it. Yes, with you on the labels though ..