Do you remember how I wrote a whole post about how it kind of sort of seemed like I had figured out intuitive eating but was quite possibly waiting for my body to talk to me and tell me what it wanted to eat. And do you remember how I said that I listened to my body and ate when I was hungry.
Ha. I was so wrong.
I occasionally wonder why I am not losing this extra weight more quickly when I am doing all this emotional healing and listening to my body and .. So, when the lovely Briana of Blisscovery Wellness started offering coaching sessions focused on helping you reach your ideal weight and stay there, I decided to sign up. After all, I've been doing all this figuring-me-out on my own. I thought I could use an outside perspective.
As I was filling out her questionnaire, I realized that I don't listen to my hunger cues at all. Well, that's not true. I listen to them, and then I ignore them completely. They come at inconvenient times. I'm in the middle of something and don't want to stop. I'm at work and it's after-breakfast but before-lunch in the cafe and I don't have food with me and the vending machine is horrid. I'm running out the door. I'm on an errand. It just feels like a nuisance to find something to eat. On and on and on. When I do eat, the amount that I need to eat in order to no longer feel hungry is so little (crazy-little, it feels like) that I eat more. And then I'm full.
Then, as I was talking to her during our first session, we realized that I pretty much consider my body to be a nuisance. It's rather like my mind is the parent and my body is the very annoying child that does not know what is best for it.
Aieeeee. If I were my body, I would be totally annoyed at me. First, I spend years punishing it for having a scar that was totally not its fault. Plus, I spend years not appreciating the miraculous job of healing that it did to create said scar. Additionally, I completely ignore it when it talks to me and treat it like it doesn't know what it's doing. Seriously. If I were my body, I wouldn't trust me at all. (As a matter of fact, I would be bitter and resentful. Good thing I am not my body.)
So .. I have handed over the reins. I am doing my best to listen to my body and eat whenever it's hungry and however much it wants. At least, I think I am.
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