one step at a time

Turns out, pursuing your dreams is scary stuff - no matter how slowly you are moving.

On the one hand, what if I fail. After all, it feels scarier to fail at something I want to do than it does to fail in general. On the other hand, what if I succeed. After all, who am I to want to follow my dreams and be happy instead of just being grateful for what I have and making the best of things until I eventually die.

Sigh.

There are a million good reasons for following my dreams - and a million not-so-good reasons for not following them. The problem is that the good reasons are hard to remember when I'm stuck in the hard.

I was thinking about this one day and something occurred to me.

Visiting Machu Picchu has always been a huge dream of mine. (I read every book in the library on the Incas when I was young.) Whenever I saw photos of it, my heart would swell until it very nearly didn't fit inside my chest and a huge lump would enter my throat. I wanted to visit it so badly.

A couple of years ago, I was planning a vacation and decided to visit Machu Picchu. REI Adventures had two tours: one where you hiked the Inca trail to Machu Picchu and one where you took the train. I wanted to hike there. I mean, just imagine walking in the footsteps of the Incas and seeing Machu Picchu through the Sun Gate after hiking for four days to get there! I still get chills at the very thought.

Except I couldn't get myself to sign up. I'd be all ready to sign up for the hike, and then I'd start listing all the reasons why I should do the non-hike trip instead and then would manage to talk myself out of the trip entirely. This went on for two months.

It turned out that as much as I wanted to hike, I was even more scared of actually hiking. Mostly, I was afraid of getting altitude sickness. (I blame Google and my penchant for finding every bad story when doing searches.) But I was also afraid that I might not be in good enough shape for the hike.

One day, I managed to sign up anyway. I spent a great deal of my remaining time freaking out. And then I was there.

The hike was hard. There was no denying that. (Clearly, I should have spent more of my freaking out time on the trails.) But as long as I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, and resting when I needed to, I was fine.

It was the second day that I was most freaked out about - we had to climb over 4000ft in elevation to a pass at around 14000ft. But again, as long as I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, and resting when I needed to, and doing the zig-zag thing instead of just going straight up, I was fine.

I still remember the moment when I reached the pass. I cannot even begin to tell you how incredible it felt. In that moment, I thought that I would never again doubt whether or not I could accomplish something.

I don't really know if this story has a point .. except that maybe when we're in the hard, it would help if we forgot about the summit and just focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

eta: Victoria Brouhard wrote a great blog post about how to make a decision between doing or not doing something that seems very scary to you. I found it very helpful. You might too.

Comments

[Pearl Mattenson]

Elisabeth- one step at a time is an awesome pont! A dear friend of mine passed away 10 years ago today at too young and age and as he battled cancer his motto was-one day at a time- that continues to inspire me (when I allow myself to remember) as I work on plodding forward- slowly- but forward. Thank for the reminder

[mella]

beautiful post and process...

as I read it I felt very excited for you, and with you, perhaps my not knowing whether you took that trip or not added to the intrigue.

continued slowing down and recognizing and embracing your own inner wisdom!

[Julie M.]

I too was a little on the edge of my seat- waiting to see if you took the trip or not. I found online photos of it and it's stunning. What a huge moment for you- following through and realizing your own fears were your limitations. That's inspiring. :)

One day at a time, one step at a time. Sometimes it seems hard. When I think back to a marathon I trained and ran, there were so many reasons it was bad timing. But I'm so glad I did it because I will probably never have that opportunity again. I didn't know that at the time and now I think about that when I'm presented with opportunities.

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

@pearl: thank you for stopping by! I like your friend's motto - it sounds like he was very inspirational. Thank you for sharing your memory of him.

@mella: I liked your last line very much! It made me wonder if maybe our inner wisdom is easier to hear when we are moving more slowly. ?

@julie: It is hard. Sometimes even a step forward is hard. Or frustrating. I am so glad you were able to train and run the marathon when you did - knowing what you know now. And that is a great thing to consider .. "would I be sorry if the opportunity never came again?"

[Briana]

Gosh, I can so relate to that second paragraph. Well, to the whole thing except for the hiking Machu Picchu part, you rock star :) But yeah, "it feels scarier to fail at something I want to do than it does to fail in general." So, so much scarier. And then getting past the whole "I should just be grateful for what I have" thing in order to actually go for the scary thing. Love this.

[Victoria Brouhard]

Such a beautiful post, Elizabeth!

I got chills when you described the possibility of walking in the footsteps of the Incas, and I'm in awe that you did it!

Great point about continuing to put one foot in front of the other when things are hard. Because hopefully the adventure is just as enjoyable (or as interesting, at least) as the destination.

Thanks so much for sharing this story!

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

@victoria: thank you for commenting! usually the adventure is as enjoyable as the destination - though it's easy to forget that until it's over.

@briana: why is it that the things that seem most worth doing are the scariest. i vote that it start to work the other way! ;)