I think what?

I mentioned that I had started working with Briana of Blisscovery Wellness on weight and body image issues. In one session, we were talking about why I am reluctant to clear my closet of all the stuff that doesn't fit and why I don't really want to buy clothes, particularly jeans, that fit well.

My first instinct was that it was related to fear - fear that it would send a signal that I had accepted this size and therefore had no more motivation to lose weight. (Never mind that if that was it, clearly not accepting it wasn't really working for me.)

Then, she asked if the reason was really related to fear, and the thing that came out of my mouth floored me.

I said that I couldn't. Because then I might look good. And that I didn't deserve to look good if I was larger than the size that I was "supposed" to be.

I so did not see that one coming.

As soon as I said it, I knew that was it (and where that thought came from). And that was just crazy to me. Because I don't think that. I would never think that. Except that I did. Unconsciously. That one unconscious thought (that my conscious mind knows is untrue) was dictating my behavior.

After that call, I cleared out my entire closet - and am slowly finding my style again.

You've probably seen the metaphor where an iceberg is used to represent the mind. The smaller visible portion represents our conscious thoughts. The larger hidden portion represents our unconscious thoughts. Those unconscious thoughts may be influencing our behavior but, unless we can find a way to bring those thoughts to the surface, it is hard to lessen their power over us. And therein lies the power in any practice or therapy that allows those unconscious thoughts to surface.

Comments

[Toni]

Two-thirds of my closet is filled with my old skinny clothes, which I tell myself is incentive to lose this excess weight that I continue to carry. I think it actually just beats me up. I'm gonna have to think on that, E. Excellent post.

[Julie M.]

Wow. I don't even know what to say here- I'm really lost in thought after reading that. You're good at making people think! Thank you.

[Julie M.]

And good job for working on figuring out those underlying beliefs. Many people never do. I checked out the website- looks very cool.

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

@Julie: Briana is fabulous. I'll do a post at the end of the sessions .. I would totally recommend her. :)

@Toni: Wow - two-thirds is a lot of clothes, but I do hope you discover that it isn't beating you up. Truth be told .. I did keep some of mine. :) As I work through all my issues, the weight is slowly coming off .. but now I would totally buy clothes that really truly fit. Well .. I would, if I weren't saving money.

[robin bird]

i for one feel like i have been a witness to your peeking out from under that iceberg and re-discovering your style. the beautiful coat, yellow boots and those amazingly colored necklaces. you are becoming a heat wave and melting that iceberg that is impeding your way towards self-love!
xo

[Lori]

Thanks for writing this. That's all I can say. XOXOX

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

@Lori: you are welcome. :)

@Robin: I do love those items. However, it does seem easier with accessories. :)