bucketing the shoulds

So far, it seems that my shoulds can be bucketed into a few categories.

Some of them are related to non-standard errands (basically anything that can't be done at New Seasons Market, which I somehow manage to get to many times a week). There is the odd need for something that involves a visit to a store: Dryel for instance (that's Target), a new battery for my prevent-others-from-starting-the-car thingy (that's RadioShack), or more white paint (that's Michaels). There is the random need for a visit to the post office - which always has a line that moves at an insanely slow speed. There are things related to regular car maintenance.

Some of them are from other people. "You should get married and have kids." "You should have a job with benefits." "You shouldn't talk about your dog on your blog."

Some of them are related to having unrealistic expectations for myself. "You should never get mad at the pup." "You should respond to your emails promptly." "You should vacuum daily." "You should know how to do this thing you've never done - or be able to figure it out on your own."

I looked at each category a little closer.

Errands .. The problem with these things is that they are all weekend errands and I don't like the idea of using my precious weekend time on non-fun errands. So what happens? I don't do them, and the not-doing-them hangs over my head like a dark cloud that makes it hard to enjoy my weekends guilt-free. (Of course, this should-ing uses way more time than the actual time required to run the doggone errand.)

So, I had an idea. I am going to set aside one weekend day a month for random errands. This way, I don't have to think about them for the rest of the time because I'll know that I have a day that is set aside for such things to get done. It'll be an experiment. I hope it works.

The other two categories are really related to sovereignty (Havi at The Fluent Self explains this better than I, but it basically means that you are so comfortable in your own self that nothing can shake you) and kindness (meeting yourself where you are and loving yourself anyway). As I continue to practice those concepts, I hope that the related shoulds will fall away.

Have you been noticing your shoulds? Is there anything you've noticed in doing so? If so, I'd love to hear!

Comments

[Amy]

Whoa... I'm commenting on this blog. :) See, I do read it. :) I know which "should" I tell you. :)
I'm puzzled by the "should not talk about Atlas." Those posts are often my favorite.
I know that I tell you "shoulds" in life. But you should (haha) be like me and not listen to me unless you want to. :) The only shoulds advice I follow are the shoulds that I do believe are important.
Fyi, on brussel sprouts, I recommend that if you want to try them some day, roast them with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and kosher salt and cracked pepper. That's the only way I've found them tolerable.
Love you. :)

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

@Amy: Don't worry, my dear, that one isn't from you. It's not really attached to anyone specific. Your advice never sounds like a should. I love roasted brussel sprouts - I'll try the balsamic vinegar thing someday. Love you too!

[Andrea]

i'm curious how the one-weekend-day-a-month-for-errands works for ya. let me know. i might try it. for now, i'll just stick to doing nothing & feeling guilty. lol have you seen the a&e show called 'hoarders'? ;-)

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

@Andrea: haven't. no cable - or TV. ;) I can imagine what it's like though! To clarify .. it's one day/month for random errands. Regular errands (which pretty much all involve the market or dog food store) are fun and always get done. Will let you know how it goes though!

[Natalia]

I want to read about your dog!

And congrats for working on your shoulds. It's hard to even notice them.

[Julie M.]

I'm trying not to get defensive for Atlas- someone saying you shouldn't blog about him. It's not working. We're crazy about you and we're crazy about your dog- please keep blogging about your life just as it is. You're so sincere and I love that about you. :)

My life is full of "shoulds". A lot of them are things I do need to do and am avoiding and then feeling guilty about not getting them done. :P I really *should* get my act together. Heehee.

[elizabeth @ the blue lotus]

@Natalia: it is hard .. they are so sneaky and subtle. I'm sure I miss an awful lot of them.

@Julie: heeheehee .. no worries, Atlas remains. And thank you for the love! I am trying not to feel guilty about things. I figure that piles more stuff on top of the shoulds, and then it's even harder to get to things. That's the theory anyway.