happiness is

I still haven't gotten around to writing down all the things that have changed for me since I started practicing reiki. But I was driving home from work one day and it occurred to me, as it often does now, how very happy I am. It's not a loud, boisterous, "OMG, I am so happy" kind of happiness; it's a quiet inner sense that all is right with the world. Aside from the cat allergies, which I have talked about ad nauseum, and the issues resulting from a childhood burn, that might be the biggest change.

The funny thing is, I always thought I was a happy person. (And most people that know me think that I am always happy.) As it turns out, what I was was cheerful and generally optimistic - and that is not always the same thing. I was also very disconnected from my feelings, especially feelings that are not considered positive, and very good at hiding those feelings from others. Under the surface, there was a strong current of unhappiness.

Looking back now, I recognize all the periods when my unhappiness overwhelmed me. When I was in one, however, I thought I was just career minded or lazy or anti-social. I can also see how those periods kept getting longer and longer. The longest one lasted over a year - up until I moved to Oregon. They didn't go away once I moved, but they were much shorter in duration, which I think is partly due to how much I love it here and how at home I felt immediately. (Hence the reason I will never argue that a change of scenery is no help at all because you always take yourself with you. It may be true to some degree but, in my case, it certainly helped.)

Anyway, all of this is not to say that I never get sad or worried or anxious or unhappy. Goodness knows I do. But underneath it all, I really am happy.

Comments

[Rose]

I'm glad to hear you have more happiness now. I can understand the change of scenery thing as moving to University on the coast has certainly made me change. I'm a lot more confident [perhaps because I had to push my boundaries and get out of my comfort zone so much] and happier in myself because I've proven to myself how capable I can be. I look out at the ocean and feel the peace just well up.

Take care,
Rose.

[Josiane]

It's so nice to read that you are happy, really truly happy! I recognize the feeling, I've been feeling it too lately, at the retreat and since I came back. That happiness feels awesomely good!

[jenG]

When I met you, I sensed a very deep current of simple joy...which isn't always the same as day-to-day happiness. It makes me happy to see your joy coming more often to the surface and making your life a happy one.

I find I don't always know I'm happy until I'm in those conversations where everyone takes a turn complaining about something, and I can't come up with anything of interest. I mean, there are daily stresses, but none of them seem that important anymore in a life that is, basically, safe and happy.

[mella]

I really like how you tie being connected to your feelings to happiness. I also believe that connection leads to overall authenticity, and that the beauty of authenticity is that it allows us to be... simply, ordinarily happy, who we are at our core, but we forget.

Sometimes I wonder what leads to this forgetfulness, and found it oddly reassuring when I heard scientist Sonja Lyubomirsky say that we're only in control of 40% of our potential for happiness (our intentional activities and strategies).

I agree there is no 'geographical cure', but surrounding ourselves with what most nourishes us sure is a big help!