retinal perspectives

ask yourself

it matters.

and it is useful to know.

taking time for yourself

I don't know about you, but I have a hard time listening to my body. Well, I don't know if it's that I have a hard time exactly; it's that I've never really liked to do it. I've never trusted my body or the information it provides. It was my mind that was in charge; my body was just a tool for my mind to use.

My body seemed to be the most contrary thing. It wanted me to rest when I had things to do. It got hungry when I had just eaten or when I was right in the middle of something or when I just did not have time to stop and eat. It was always pointing out nagging aches and pains. It had problems that I could not get rid of - like allergies or a lack of energy.

Over the years, I learned how to ignore it. When I did listen to it, I treated it like this annoying thing that didn't really know what it wanted. "No, you're not in pain. I don't have time. No, you're not hungry. You've eaten enough. No. No. No."

I spent most of my time living in my mind. The only thing I really did that consistently took me out of my mind was trail running. That was why I loved it. Everything was quiet and all I could think about was my feet on the trails. Even then, I never really focused on how my body was feeling other than to appreciate that it could run.

After I took my first Reiki class, I started giving myself a Reiki treatment every day. Those treatments were the first time that I really took the time to sit and pay attention to myself at all. (Which is not to say that I didn't sit, just that I never paid attention.)

As I paid more and more attention, I began to realize that my body was not out to get me. In fact, it was actually more loving and supportive than my mind. While my mind was saying, "You're fat," my body was saying, "Sweetie, you're hungry; you need to eat." While my mind was saying, "You need to do/be/have more," my body was saying, "Sweetie, you're burnt out; you need to rest." While my mind was saying, "You can't do the things you want to do," my body was saying, "Sweetie, you're on the wrong road; you might want to rethink this."

When I started listening to my body, it was like finding this great new way to get information on myself. 

If you've read about my Reiki services or done a session with me, you know that I like you to treat the sessions like an experiment. I like you to set aside the hour to relax, to pay attention to yourself, and to see what you notice.

I do this because it's a very good way to evaluate something and to decide whether it's helpful or not.

I do this for other reasons as well. One of them is because it gives you the opportunity to set aside time to relax and pay attention to your body. When you do this, you're telling yourself that how you feel (physically, mentally, emotionally) is important. It is important. It's nice to do something that affirms this. And this also gives your body the chance to talk to you a little.

If Reiki isn't your thing, no worries. There are lots of other ways to do this. You can try yoga or meditation. You can dance around to music and lie quietly afterwards. You can set aside a little time and just notice what's going on with your body. All you really need is a little attention and curiosity.

being present

is there a way you can include one of those things in your day?

love (my)self

The lovely Mahala of Luminous Heart invited everyone to join her in a Summer of Lovingkindness. The topic has been circling around in my mind since the invitation.

One of my current practices is to learn to treat myself with love and kindness, something I have struggled with all my life. Part of that practice means to learn to treat myself with love and kindness, even when I am behaving in ways that are less than loving and kind.

It is difficult. It is difficult, even though I know that guilt and anger and threats and punishment and harsh words (or thoughts) do not motivate me to change. Or that if I do change, I am changing from a place of fear, not of love.

There are many moments in which I decide that this practice is selfish or useless or not-at-all-important in the grand (or not-so-grand) scheme of things.

Then, there are little moments of understanding in which I realize that - for me - this is one of the most important practices of all.

It is easy for me to treat others with love and kindness when I like them, or agree with them, or they are treating me nicely. It is not so easy when they are annoying me, or I don't agree with them, or they are treating me badly. Yet, in all moments, we are full of the same grace.

It occurs to me that if I can learn to treat myself with love and kindness in more and more of my moments, then - since the person I have always treated the worst is myself - it will be easier and easier to extend love and kindness to everyone around me, in more and more of their moments.

the answer is

to do things for fun

It is a hot day here in Oregon, and puppy and I are migrating from sun to shade to indoors under the ceiling fan and back again. With a glass of lemonade + water and a book, it is a good way to spend the afternoon.

I just started reading The Valleys of the Assassins by Freya Stark and came across a couple of lines in the preface that struck me. I thought I'd share them here, in case they are useful to others.

"I came to the conclusion that some more ascetic reason than mere enjoyment should be found if one wishes to travel in peace: to do things for fun smacks of levity, immorality almost, in our utilitarian world. And though personally I think the world is wrong, and I know in my heart of hearts that it is a most excellent reason to do things merely because one likes the doing of them, I would advise all those who wish to see unwrinkled brows in passport offices to start out ready labelled as entomologists, anthropologists, or whatever other -ology they think suitable and propitious."

It makes sense to me that doing things purely because you enjoy them is a most excellent reason - travel or otherwise - but the gremlins in my head do not agree at all. I wonder if I can think of an -ology label that would appease them.

it's okay

what should I expect to notice during a Reiki session?

If you schedule a Reiki session with me, I want you to treat your session like an experiment. I want you to pay attention to your body and see what you notice. The noticing makes it easier to decide whether it's something that's useful for you.

One of the questions I get asked is, "What sort of things should I watch for?"

I wrote a post about the benefits of Reiki a while back and mentioned that the most common thing people experience is a really really relaxed state. This is, by the way, why I prefer distant sessions. Otherwise, you're all nice and relaxed, and then you have to get up and drive home.

Besides the relaxed feeling, you might notice physical sensations like heat or warmth or cold or tingling sensations.

If you are experiencing pain of some sort, you might notice shifts or changes in the location or intensity of the pain.

You might also hear your body talking - rumblings and gurglings in your tummy. (This one took a while for me to get used to. I'm so used to apologizing for noises that it took a while for me to be comfortable with my stomach talking during a session.)

It is also possible that you may not notice anything at a physical level during the session. This is where I'm supposed to say that the energy is always working for your highest and greatest good, even if you don't notice it. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. Regardless, I try not to say that {unless you're my sister, she says with a giggle} because I recognize that it's not terribly useful, especially if you are treating this like an experiment in order to decide if Reiki is useful.

If you don't notice anything during the session - or even if you do - I'd suggest you pay attention for the next 24-48 hours and see if you notice any other shifts: insights, changes in mood or energy level, changes in any problems you've been dealing with, release of tension ..