The lovely Mahala of Luminous Heart invited everyone to join her in a Summer of Lovingkindness. The topic has been circling around in my mind since the invitation.
One of my current practices is to learn to treat myself with love and kindness, something I have struggled with all my life. Part of that practice means to learn to treat myself with love and kindness, even when I am behaving in ways that are less than loving and kind.
It is difficult. It is difficult, even though I know that guilt and anger and threats and punishment and harsh words (or thoughts) do not motivate me to change. Or that if I do change, I am changing from a place of fear, not of love.
There are many moments in which I decide that this practice is selfish or useless or not-at-all-important in the grand (or not-so-grand) scheme of things.
Then, there are little moments of understanding in which I realize that - for me - this is one of the most important practices of all.
It is easy for me to treat others with love and kindness when I like them, or agree with them, or they are treating me nicely. It is not so easy when they are annoying me, or I don't agree with them, or they are treating me badly. Yet, in all moments, we are full of the same grace.
It occurs to me that if I can learn to treat myself with love and kindness in more and more of my moments, then - since the person I have always treated the worst is myself - it will be easier and easier to extend love and kindness to everyone around me, in more and more of their moments.
I think we all struggle with this.
I know I motivate myself with anger because I know it works- it brings about a change.
-hugs- In my eyes, you deserve love and kindness and thus I shall send some your way =)
Posted by: Rose | 07/17/2010 at 02:10 PM
I could have written this myself, Elizabeth, you are not alone in this challenge by any stretch of the imagination !
I have learned that change because of anger or fear isn't really change for me or my well being, it is really like a punishment. I am slowly, very very slowly, learning to love myself enough to know I deserve better, that I deserve the best and that I am capable of giving that to myself.
If I learn this and really put it into action, I will be perfect. ;) Okay, that ain't gonna happen, but I do know that working towards it is part of my job on this planet.
I will never be unemployed, it seems.
Be gentle with that Beautiful Self.
Big Love !
Posted by: Kim Mailhot | 07/20/2010 at 04:32 PM
@Kim: Chuckling at the "never be unemployed" thing. How true is that. (Even though I often wish otherwise.) We do deserve better. And hopefully each time we remember, it cements the knowing in our heads a little more. Sending love to you as you practice!
@Rose: You are such a sweetheart. I hope you know that.
Posted by: elizabeth -- | 07/21/2010 at 10:45 PM