it's time for tea

I like to cook. Not all the time. Not everything. But when I am in a cooking mood, I thoroughly enjoy it.

I also like baking. But even when I am in a baking mood, I don't bake. I find a recipe and get all excited and sometimes even buy the ingredients and then something comes up. (The exception being the odd batch of cookies and the occasional holiday dessert and two attempts to make bread.) I think about baking. I bookmark recipes to try someday. But I never actually try them.

I figured it was one of those things where I liked the idea of me as a baker more than I liked the act of baking. Or that I'd bake (more) if I had one of those lovely KitchenAid stand mixers. (Sadly, I can't test this theory because they stopped making the shade of orange I wanted.) Or that it was because I didn't always need or want a whole batch of something. Or that it's a lot of work. Or that if I really wanted a dessert, why would I bake something when I can just buy a slice of something from the bakery.

As it turns out, I was wrong on all counts. The other day, I realized that the reason I don't bake is because baking feels special. Not the act of baking itself, but the results of baking. So, unless it's a special occasion - an occasion that involves other people - I can't bake. I can't bake because I don't think that (on my own) I'm special enough to bake for.

This seems rather sad. This also seems like something - given that I'm working on showing love and kindness to myself - I can experiment with. So, I am playing with the idea of instituting tea-time. I'd like to bake something delicious, and then take the time to enjoy whatever it is in the middle of the afternoon. Doesn't that sound lovely?! I'll let you know how it goes.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear if this seems at all familiar. Particularly the general idea of not doing something you enjoy or think you'd enjoy - maybe for other reasons other than what you tell yourself.

Comments

[steph]

Tea-time sounds like an *awesome* idea! :D

And what you describe about baking reminds me of how I am about regular cooking a lot of the time. It's funny (in that way I use funny to mean sad), because cooking for other people is definitely an act of love for me, but I often have a hard time seeing that same act of love in cooking for ("just") myself.

[Josiane]

Great insight on what was really holding you back from baking! You are definitively special enough to bake for, and I love the idea of a ritual in which you make the consumption of those treats a special moment for yourself. That sounds lovely!
(I'm looking forward to seeing the pictures of said yummy treats!) :)

[jenG]

Very familiar. This is why everyone in my immediate family has more hand-knit wool socks than I have--when I'm making a gift, knitting is a priority. When it's only for my feet, it's the last thing on my list.

And your idea for tea-time is a winner, hands down. :)

[Kim Mailhot]

Oh, Elizabeth, you are so amazing ! What a great insight into yourself. It makes me want to say BAKE, Beautiful One, BAKE!!!! You deserve every delicious creation. The most decadent, lovely, sweet thing I have baked (I am more a cook than a baker too) is a Lemon Chiffon Cake. Light, airy, lots of steps, crazy amount of eggs, don't slam the oven door to collapse it, let it dry upside down...oh ya, the perfect cake for someone who really really deserves some baking love...think about it...
I wish I were closer so I could come to tea...

You inspire me every time I visit, Girl. Thank you for that.

[Scraps]

Oh, that does sound sad--but happy that you've decided to work on it. We are special, we do deserve the special things every day, and I think you're tea-time idea is lovely.

I actually have a similar feeling about lattes--I buy them when I'm running early for work as a reward. I bring the things to make them in my hotel room when we travel for conventions, it's part of my out-of-town ritual. But I seldom make them for myself at home, even though I have the stuff sitting right. there. Part of me likes them as a once-in-a-while treat and the other part of me wants them much more often.

[elizabeth --]

@Scraps: That is a difficult balance to strike. I must say, though, that I am really inspired by the idea of your having an out-of-town ritual. For some reason, it's got my brain spinning.

@Kim: If you ever *are* close, you would be more than welcome! It sounds kind of like angel food cake, which seems rather intimidating. But I will add it to my list of ideas! (My first task is to buy a cake pan; I don't have one that works.)

@JenG: Your poor feet. I hope you have at least one pair for yourself! Thinking about gifts .. I am wondering about the idea of giving oneself a gift. Would that work? I might have to try this.

@Josiane: Pictures! There will be pictures. ;)

@Steph: Oh, hard. Especially since cooking is more basic than baking. Well, maybe basic isn't the right word - more essential maybe.

[Rose]

I have issues with reading these days. I can't read my book for fun because I have to clean the house and tidy my room and then I should be revising last years lecture notes [i don't start uni again til october!!! and never do revise the stuff.. but it stops me reading..] etc. etc.

I'm not sure what the underlying cause really is - but I'm working on it. Currently reading a book I wnat to read for fun that happens to be on the reading list for October's course :)

Let us know how tea-time goes - I love tea-time!