a sense of trust, volume 32

{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust - my word for 2011}.

today, in search of a thread to share in my musings on trust, i pull from my journal.

what if i were worthy?

huh. that would be a game-changer. the trouble is that it's hard to just think yourself worthy after years of hearing, learning, thinking, believing that you are not.

if i believed in miracles, i would believe that i could just flip a switch and transform this pattern. except even that is scary because it seems to make all the years of suffering unnecessary.

and yet, maybe everything happens the way it does in order to bring us to this moment.

everything certainly does happen the way it does in order to bring us to this moment. that is the truth of it. (the question is whether there is a plan or a point or a method to the madness. maybe it doesn't really matter - unless it brings me comfort.)

and so, this is where i am - still sitting with the question.

what if i am worthy?

i draw in my breath. the answer, it seems, could change everything.

Comments

[Jerry Critter]

You're phrasing of the question is interesting. Why the "what if" instead of just,

Am I worthy?

[elizabeth @ retinal perspectives]

@jerry: it's a way in .. if i just said, "am i worthy (or whatever)', the answer would be no, of course not, full stop. that gets me nowhere.

when i say, "what if i were ..", i get more information because the parts of me that don't believe that i am whatever it is don't feel the need to rush in and take over because i am not contradicting their truth.

(i would usually say something like, "what if i believed i were ...x..." but this was shorter.)

[Jerry Critter]

But the real answer is,

"Yes, of course!"

You just haven't admitted it...yet. And sometimes admitting it requires the right question.

[Gayle]

Elizabeth, reading this post, I think, "Someone else feels the way I do?" Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

[Tracy]

Oh, yes you are... you are full of worth, Elizabeth! :o) And in recent months, I too, have come to discover that all my years of suffering WAS just plain sad, because now I know and understand better what I did not then--and a lot had to do with worth & acceptance. But there is also something to be said for things happens the way they do to bring us to moment we wake up. So all the learning curves aren't for nothing. That we suffer so long before waking up is tinged with sadness. But better late than never, as the saying goes. And when in doubt, just think of those cheesy L'Oreal commercials..."because you're worth it!" Because you are... Because we all are. :o) ((HUGS)) P.S. LOVE the watery image today...*sigh*...

[Marcie]

You could be reading my journal. I've written some of those exact same words. And - it's as easy as 'changing one's mind'. As easy as that (YA RIGHT!!!). Beautiful..inspiring post!!!

[tammy]

perhaps you are just not old enough yet. yes ...
i swear it gets easier. afterwhile you think what if i were worthy? . . . worthy of WHAT!
of being happy just being me?
of taking up my little space in this world?
of not harming anyone else?
of loving much and wanting little?
then YES. you are worthy. i am worthy. i think feeling worthy is the starting place of peace and love. we don't need to worry about feeling worthy. we need to love. simple as that. and you do. you have a beautiful spirit. it shows.
uh-oh. do i sound like an old hippy? i wasn't ever one. but minus the drugs and rampant sex and ugly litter they left . . . they had a profound thought or two.
love and a hug to you e,
tammy j