I practice this thing called Dance of Shiva, also known as Shiva Nata. I love it. Actually, I am rather addicted to it. That is, if you can be addicted to something that you don't practice daily.
I was a very sporadic (and I do mean sporadic) practicer until I went to a retreat in January where we practiced daily. At the end of the week, I saw the effect that regular practice had on my body and mind. After that, I was committed.
Dance of Shiva has levels. The DVD includes practices for the first three levels, and I know what the fourth and fifth levels are so can attempt to work them out on my own. The idea is that once a level is no longer difficult for you, you move up.
{This will probably not make sense unless you practice it, so I will keep it short.} I tend to skip around a lot. I spent some time on level 1 but never mastered it, played with level 2 for a shorter period of time, and now bounce around between level 3 and 4 and 1. Basically, I spend most of my time flailing.
During all of this, I was waiting for the perfection monster to strike. The voice that says, "You're not getting it so you may as well give up. Other people have gotten this by now. You're behind. You should have gotten this already. You need to be perfect."
It never did. I was so excited. I thought that maybe it was because the Dance offers you the freedom to get it wrong. But the thing that I did wonder about was why I felt the need to spend so much time on the higher levels, when I hadn't mastered level 1, and wasn't really spending the time trying to master it. Then, I listened to a Dust off the DVD teleclass and Havi reminded us to check our patterns. In that instant, I knew that the monster was there all along; I just didn't recognize it.
Back when I got the DVD, I wrote a blog post that explained why I was intrigued by it. To quote part of it, "I am a recovering perfectionist. Confession: the idea of something being hard forever and ever sounds horrible. Just horrible. If I can't figure something out quickly, I get extremely frustrated and tend to give up (occasionally I even cry or whine, just ask my sister)."
There it was - the reason I was jumping around so much and not taking the time to really master level 1. I knew it was going to take time, and it was going to be frustrating, and I was going to feel like I was the slowest person ever, and sometimes it would even feel like I had taken two steps forward and three steps backwards. As a result, I was avoiding it altogether.
So, I am playing with that pattern. I am still spending time playing with the higher levels, because it's fun and I enjoy it, but I am also taking the time to practice level 1 over and over and over again. It is taking time to really learn it. And sometimes it is frustrating. And sometimes I do feel like I am the slowest person ever. But it is also deeply satisfying, because when I am practicing level 1 now, it feels like I am really practicing self-kindness.
It is so amazing how shiva nata brings us up close and personal with our patterns. Mine was around not giving myself permission to be in an epiphany laden amazing place. When I hit level 2 I had such an amazing few days and then I just stopped practicing Shiva Nata. I had been doing it for almost 2 months daily...I am still just inching back into it and noticing my fear of happiness and peace...
Posted by: Pearl Mattenson | 03/10/2010 at 03:53 AM
I had been doing the opposite! Staying at level 1 until I could do it fast with the DVD, stuck between "way too easy when I do it on my own" and "I can't get it completely right when I'm trying to do arms and legs fast with the DVD". Not a fun place to be when you can't give yourself permission to move on until you get everything perfectly, and in the order in which it's presented... Then I met Havi last summer, and she told me that Shiva Nata could reinforce our patterns. Bing! I had only ever thought of its deconstruction power, but yeah, it has pretty strong reinforcing powers too - maybe so that our patterns finally become obvious enough to us? I don't know, but I've been having fun playing with different levels since then!
It was really interesting to read about your experience with it and see your perspective. :)
Posted by: Josiane | 03/10/2010 at 11:56 AM
Wow, the work you did on level one must have kick-started something for you ... I am not yet a Shiva Naut, but I've had that experience in some limited areas of life. One begins to address a weakness, and somehow, the work "clicks in" and a lot of things become easier. Everything I've heard practitioners say about Shiva Nata points to that process being one of its strengths. Congratulations on addressing what sounds to be a long-held pattern.
Posted by: Vivienne Grainger | 03/10/2010 at 02:38 PM
@Vivienne: I hope it did. Maybe I should track my progress. And that does seem to be true, once I start to pick at a pattern, it seems to affect lots of other (seemingly unrelated) things. Thanks for sharing your experience! (If you become a Shivanaut - do report back!)
@Josiane: Yeah, that's where I was. I can get it mostly right, but I do make mistakes when doing fast vertical arms, and I almost always make a mistake in the 4-1 sequence of fast horizontal arms. It was uber-frustrating. I totally feel your pain - that would not be fun to not be able to move on. And I wonder now about the reinforcing .. curious what other patterns I might be reinforcing .. Glad to hear you are having fun with the other levels now!
@Pearl: I had wondered why I didn't see any posts from you on the group blog in a while! It's good that you noticed what the fear was - and that you are being gentle on yourself with easing back into the practice.
Posted by: elizabeth @ the blue lotus | 03/10/2010 at 07:10 PM