while journaling about why i avoid self-care, i discovered that i avoid it because i don't think i'm worth it. apparently i have a deep core belief that says i am worthless and of no value, except as someone else places value (rather arbitrarily, it seems) on me.
a week or so later, that belief seems to have mostly dissolved in the sunlight. the week did include reiki and shiva nata but, as always, discovering the unconscious belief that was ruling my behavior was huge.
i believe that everything has worth and value, even the smallest blade of grass. i don't see how i can hold that belief and still believe that somehow i happen to be the one exception.
It always amazes me how - once we make conscious our unconscious - how simply it dissolves and disappears. Love these images of the soft grass!
Posted by: Marcie | 10/21/2010 at 05:22 AM
Love the photos!
Posted by: jan | 10/21/2010 at 06:51 AM
Very much I can relate to having felt like that times past too. One of the hardest things to break through is realization of our own self-worth. Easier to see the worth of other or other things. Funny how we have to "work" so hard on our selves and bring forth our own unique light! But we try... :o) Beautiful post, Elizabeth. Happy Days ((HUGS))
Posted by: Tracy | 10/21/2010 at 06:54 AM
what is up with the worthlessness! i always tell people that God doesn't make ugly, people make ugly. except, that is, for me. Get out of here!
i love to see the purity that still lives in my kids. they don't care how the world sees them. theo says hi to everybody he sees, and wonders why not all respond. (i wonder, too, because, who wouldn't want to say hello to this perfectly adorable little child??? my pride and joy??? and i never feel sure of how to answer when he asks me why they haven't answered) and suvi will dance happily in the car, with no worries that the other drivers will think she is a wacko. if they need a hug or water or to run or rest, they do. they don't think about whether they deserve it, whether they have done enough work yet in the day. and they love like they don't know not to. they haven't started to divide their world, yet, according to what is acceptable in the culture.
it is beautiful.
and so are you, with your heart, and your mind, your body and your vision.
(but not me, of course. gah!)
Posted by: jen t | 10/21/2010 at 07:32 AM
Amen, sister. (and such beautiful photos of the grass!)
Posted by: Leanne | 10/21/2010 at 08:00 AM
Beautiful! I think grass is so gorgeous!
Posted by: Krista Kruger | 10/22/2010 at 05:58 AM
this is a huge issue for many ..your comparison to the grasses and beauty of the images are like poetry to the soul
Posted by: elk | 10/22/2010 at 07:24 PM
i so relate. why is it--especially with us women--that we subscribe to this? where does it start?
well it stops with this blade of grass. such beautiful photos, and a beautiful way to relate to life.
thank you...
Posted by: michelle marlahan | 10/22/2010 at 09:48 PM
You are, of course, not the single exception. You have value beyond imagining. I hope you feel it today.
and every day.
Posted by: Relyn | 10/23/2010 at 08:21 PM
@relyn: it's a work in progress. you teach what you most need to learn, you know?
@michelle: i know where it started for me, but i imagine it's different for others. i hope it slowly changes and no one subscribes to it at all.
@elk: "poetry for the soul". i love that.
@leanne: <3
@jen t: gah indeed. theo and suvi are so wise. i love that they are in your life (and roundaboutly, mine).
@tracy: indeed we do. time to keep on keeping on.
@jan: thanks!
@marcie: i know! it amazes me every time.
Posted by: elizabeth @ retinal perspectives | 10/23/2010 at 10:30 PM
Just dropped by this morning to admire your work and was moved so much by this post. This I believe might be what we call sleepy orange surrender. XXOO Thank you so much Elizabeth.
Posted by: Stephanie | 10/24/2010 at 07:32 AM
I love these shots! Your words are provoking.
Posted by: ampersand | 10/24/2010 at 06:06 PM
Powerful thoughts!
Oh, those sneaky subconscious ones that just hover there under the surface, wreaking havoc....I'm glad you uncovered that little beast and put it where it belongs.
A blade of grass is very brave, to shoot up out of the ground, even in its tenderness, and know without a doubt it has a right to be there.
Posted by: jaime | 10/27/2010 at 09:59 PM