a sense of trust, volume 25

{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust - my word for 2011}

when i think about trust, i keep going back to surrender.

one day after shiva nata practice, i asked the question, "what do i know about surrender?" this was my answer.

surrender is scary. it's so easy to do in theory (you just surrender) but so hard to do in practice. it's giving up control. but if i give up control, isn't that giving up safety and protection?

is it really true that control = safety & protection? no.

can i be sure it's true? no.

how do i feel when i believe that it's true? rigid. i put myself in all sorts of boxes and give myself all sorts of limits as a form of perceived control. it feels scary to give those boxes & limits up. at the same time, so much of my fear comes from worrying about the boxes & limits that it would actually be more freeing to give them up.

there would be less fear and more trust with surrender, but it takes trust to see/believe that.

Comments

[tammy]

i turned 66 yrs old on june 11 and i am still wrestling with what you're talking about. there are moments when i totally have given up control, but then i fear the free fall that i perhaps imagine and i go back to control. clearly has always been a problem. wonder if it's simply innate in some natures and to fight it is like swimming up the waterfall in your picture? i don't know. but i know it is exhausting to the spirit.
but i do need/want to trust.
the universe and me... in that order!

[Tracy]

hhhmmm... yes!... As ever, you have a wonderful way of putting all into words so well, with great perspective, Elizabeth! Giving up control..That's something I've been working on too, in small ways. Like you, I'm trying to release some of the boxes I put myself in. I think control is related to fear, so trying to release some control to live a bit more fear-less. And it all is practice, isn't it? The ideas sound so good, and it all makes sense, but actually living it--it's a practice! Your trust posts make me think so much! Happy Week, my friend :o) ((HUGS))

[brooke]

elizabeth, you say these things so well.

my question is "how do I surrender?"

[elizabeth @ retinal perspectives]

@brooke: i wish i knew. but the other thing i did write down was that maybe it's not one act, maybe it's a series of choices. the thing that i've been doing is asking, "am i choosing based on faith or fear?" surprisingly, it works even for little things, like, "am i choosing to sit at the computer out of faith or fear?" :)

[elizabeth @ retinal perspectives]

@tammy: me too. me too. the thing i am trying to remember is that even when i think i'm in control, i'm really not. that it's impossible to control life. i know this intellectually, but i don't really get it yet.

@tracy: it really is a practice, though it's so hard to not want to just be there already. :)