retinal perspectives

overheard in my house

"oh, atlas, you're so cute when you smell things."

let's talk about books!

i love love love to read. if i were going to define myself as "something", the one "something" that really resonates with me is reader.

the only time i remember getting in trouble in school was in first grade. we were supposed to be doing math problems out of a workbook. i was holding the workbook up in front of my face because i had a book hidden behind the workbook and was reading instead. unfortunately, the teacher came up behind me.

in middle school, i would bike to the library with my sisters every week and bring home a backpack full of books. the librarians let us ignore the limit and check out however many books we wanted so that we didn't have to visit every day.

i often wonder what i would be like if i didn't read. at the same time, i cannot imagine a life without reading at all.

i could never answer the question, "what's your favorite book?" i don't have one favorite, but i do have a short list of books that are my favorites because they have changed me in some way.

atlas shrugged (ayn rand). if you ever wonder where i got atlas' name, he is partly named after this book. i think my sister amy recommended it to me. i brought it along when i visited my grandparents one easter and could not put it down. do you know what i remember most? when i left the airport parking lot, i really wanted to pretend that i lost my parking ticket; it was cheaper to pay the "lost ticket maximum" than to pay the actual parking fee. i couldn't do it. it didn't align with who i wanted to be after reading the book. sometimes i find it rather strange that i love it so because i suspect i do not align with ayn rand either politically or spiritually, but the thing i took from the book was a desire to do the best i can with what i have - in order to be worthy of what i've been given and to express my appreciation and gratitude for all of it.

don't shoot the dog (karen pryor). atlas' breeder gave me this book as a gift on his first birthday. it's about positive reinforcement. when i finished, i had a vision for who/how i wanted to be/behave with atlas. everything i have done with him - or tried to do - or berated myself for falling short at - came from the principles in this book. everything i read (and continue to read) about dogs in my quest to be the best dog person i can be came from my vision of who i wanted to be after reading this book.

the prophet (kahlil gibran). i can't even remember why i bought this book in the first place, but i took it with me on a trip to seattle to visit a friend. i read it on the flight there and i spent most of the flight going, "oh! yes! oh! oh!" and underlining things and sniffling a little. i wrote in it - something i had never done to a book before and haven't really done since. there were parts of it where it felt like he reached in and grabbed bits of my soul - ideals that i tried to live by without being able to explain them - and poured them out onto the page in words. it made me think. it made me gasp. it was full of beauty. i think that if i absolutely had to pick one favorite book, this would probably be it.

the inmates are running the asylum (alan cooper). i've written about this book before, but essentially, it helped me find and articulate my passion for the user experience. (incidentally, i read this one on on a trip to england - on the train from london to swindon, to be exact - so it seems i might have a pattern of falling in love with the books i read while traveling.)

nickel and dimed (barbara ehrenreich). to be fair, this book is not exactly a longstanding favorite. it was a good quick read. i probably wouldn't read it again. there are other books that i prefer and return to, like savage inequalities (jonathan kozol) and the working poor: invisible in america (david shipler). i include it because it is the first book i read that helped me recognize and question my assumptions -assumptions i didn't even know i was making - and begin to investigate what i really believed and what i wanted to stand for and hold as important, instead of taking other people's assumptions and beliefs as my own without thinking about them. it also got me reading everything i could find about poverty and class and education, which was a fascinating (if sad) reading journey.

the untethered soul (michael singer). actually, if i had to pick one favorite, it might be a toss-up between this and the prophet. i don't really know how to talk about this book, except to say that every time i read it, i feel like i get a little glimpse of heaven.

so there you have it, a short list of books that have changed me. of course there are more, but these are the ones that come to mind in this moment.

i had an epiphany the other day that got me thinking about my favorite books and prompted this post. i just read switch by chip & dan heath. at one point, they talked about inspiring change via the identity model, where you get people to ask, "who am i? what would someone like me do in this situation?" i realized that that's what all of these books did for me. they made me ask myself that question; when i found the answer, it changed me.

now i'm so curious, do you have a book or books that have changed you?

a sense of trust, volume 45

{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust - my word for 2011}.

a dear friend gave me a magnet with the following sharon salzberg quote:

"Life is like an ever shifting kaleidoscope: a slight change and all patterns alter."

i love that quote. it makes me feel hopeful. it reminds me that everything i do in the big wide world of working on my stuff on has an impact on my life - no matter how small a thing it is, no matter if i can see how it will happen.

when i saw this scene/photo, it reminded me of that quote, and somehow, it all circled back to trust.

a web of delight

"walking softly like a spider in the early morning"

- Brian Andreas :: StoryPeople

a sense of trust, volume 35

{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust - my word for 2011}.

i often say that atlas has been my greatest teacher, so i wondered what he might have to say about trust.

here 'tis.

"trust yourself. if you want something, you want it. if you need something, you need it. if you feel something, you feel it. i wish you wouldn't spend so much time questioning and judging and doubting yourself. if you just listened to me, there would be more time for walks. and unless it's pouring or hailing or there is a cat in the house (hint), it is always a good time for a walk."

by the way, if you'd like to receive wisdom from atlas in your mailbox, there's still a bit of time to sign up for his postcards.

sharing my own mess

andrea shared a messy parenthood story on superhero journal yesterday. it made me think of my own messy stories, especially the ones i shy away from sharing because i feel particularly embarrassed. i don't know why this is exactly, i realize that we are none of us perfect, but somehow it often feels like maybe that isn't really true. that maybe everyone else really is perfect, and i am the only exception. it sounds so silly when i say it but it feels so true in my mind. anyway, andrea inspired me to share one of my own messy stories.

atlas has the best ears. they are soft like velvet and irresistible. but he doesn't like people to touch his ears or play with his ears. ever.

when atlas first came to live with me, he was a show dog, so we had to spend some time at dog shows.

i didn't love dog shows. the weather was usually hot. there were lots and lots of dogs around. there was stress and excitement in the air. atlas had to wear a show collar and if he pulled or i pulled, it would tighten around his neck, so i didn't like to pull. it just wasn't an environment that i felt at all comfortable in.

in the midst of all of that commotion, i was a brand new dog person learning how to be a dog person and atlas was an excited clever energetic empathic weimaraner puppy.

with all the stress and excitement and heat, it was often hard to get him to listen to me. probably at least once or twice during every dog show, when i couldn't get him to listen and really needed him to listen, i would run out of ideas and options and patience. the only thing i could think to do in those moments of frustration and helplessness was to pinch one of his ears to get his attention.

instantly, my beloved puppy would give this tiny little yelp. the yelp would break my heart and i would hug him and apologize. and yet, in another moment of frustration and helplessness, i would do it again.

it still hurts my heart to think about this. and i'm pretty sure that's why he doesn't like his ears touched. (well, that and regular ear infections.)

you know, i don't really know how to end this. i don't want this to be a story with a lesson or a nice neat ending. i just want to agree that yeah, life is messy, so i guess my messy story will have a messy ending.

a wish for me and you

may our day include moments of both rest and play.

(but if i can only have one, i'd like to request the rest.)

30 days of (something) - want to join me?

my 30 days of (shiva nata) practice back in june was made even better because of everyone who joined in with their own particular practice. since september has 30 days, i've decided to do another 30 day practice. you are all invited to join me.

this time, i want to do morning pages. if you've read the artist's way, by julia cameron, you're probably familiar with the idea. in case you're not - it's three pages of writing, every morning, anything that comes to your mind. i am forgoing the written word, however, in order to use 750words.com. i am much more likely to type than i am to write. plus, i am a speedy typer.

in june, i also set an intention (or theme) for the month: permission. i think i want to set an intention for september as well, but i just cannot decide on one. the current top contenders are permission (yes, again), pleasure, flow, and joy. good thing i still have some time.

anyway, that's the plan - 30 days of morning pages, starting september 1.

if you want to join me, i would love to have the company. maybe you have something you want to focus on for 30 days and could use the support? maybe it's a practice? maybe it's a theme? maybe it's something you want to eliminate from your life? the options are endless.

i'll plan to check in on mondays again in case you decide to join me and want to share how it's going.

here's to the joy of practice!

p.s. in case you needed a reminder, all of the prints currently in the shop will disappear sometime on tuesday, just in case there is one you were considering. then, it will be ready for me to add the september collection!

there is lots of sleeping going on around here

for myself, i cannot wish the rare warm weather days away. but oh, i do feel for my friend that is covered in fur. he spends his days moving from one spot to another, trying to stay cool.

maybe we should migrate to alaska for the month of august.

atlas and the six-fingered kitty

atlas' latest kitty friend is polydactyl, meaning he has extra fingers on his (in this case front) paws, so it looks like he is wearing mittens. i could stare at his paws all day. they are adorable.

we met him one day while on a walk. he saw atlas and came sauntering over from his spot in the shade to say hello. they are now friends. whenever we walk by, he comes bounding over the grass or through the bushes to greet us. (the kitty's name is kiki; i just like to call him the six-fingered kitty. i blame "the princess bride" for that.)

when atlas returned from the doggy ranch last week, he was even more kitty-obsessed than usual. after all, he had gone nine (nine!) whole days without seeing one. so, when we went for our evening walk and ran into kiki, there was much rejoicing on all our parts.

atlas and kiki sniffed hello. kiki wandered around him for a while, slapping atlas' face with his tail. kiki settled himself on the grass by us. atlas sat and stared happily or stood towering over kiki as if to be sure he was ready to walk with him at a moment's notice.

atlas can sit and stare forever. i can not.

eventually, i decided it was time to move on. generally, atlas will test my conviction for a bit and then be ready to go. this time? nope. he was pretty sure that he was not leaving.

i pulled and ordered and pushed. nope. i begged and pulled and commanded. nope. i lifted his chest and maneuvered him in the right direction. finally, he gave in - very begrudgingly, i might add. we continued on down the sidewalk.

a few seconds later, what did i hear? a whoosh of air as kiki chased us down.

atlas stopped. kiki and atlas sniffed. kiki wandered under and around him, whap-whap-whap-ing his belly and face with his tail. atlas sat and stared happily.

eventually, i decided to try to leave (again). we went through the same routine (again). finally, i convinced atlas to continue on (again).

a few seconds later, kiki was bounding alongside us (again).

atlas and kiki went through their meet-and-greet routine (again).

repeat ad nauseum.

needless to say, it took a long time to get home that evening. (made even longer because we had to finally turn around and walk kiki back home again.)

if life with a dog were a boxing match, i'm pretty sure that round went to atlas and the six-fingered kitty.