after confusing my brain with shiva nata yesterday, i asked myself some questions. i often ask, "what am i wrong about?" (the answer is usually some variation of: "pretty much everything.") this time, i asked myself, "what is true?" this was my answer.
you matter.
you are worthy.
the way to peace is through peace.
love is the answer.
another week, another week of 30 days of (something).
i have to say, i am really enjoying this writing practice. (can i call it a writing practice if i'm typing?) in fact, i am enjoying it so much that i am even thinking about signing up for nanowrimo this november. i can't say i've ever wanted to write fiction. (well, except for the children's story i started years ago and still want to finish someday and my occasional dream of being a writer of fairy tales.) still, 50000 words is starting to seem doable. and, you know, why not.
i am feeling very resistant to checking in about flow. this makes sense to me because we seem to be on a break. (in case you don't know what i mean by flow, i generally mean that i am following my inspiration through the day. at least that's how i feel when i am in flow.) i spent most of my time noticing that i was not in flow and then refusing to do anything that might have been helpful. instead, i may or may not have watched a lot of bad hulu (bad tv, only on hulu).
if you are joining in and want to check in on this post, i would love love love to hear from you. regardless, know that i am happy that we're all in this together, and am cheering you on.
andrea shared a messy parenthood story on superhero journal yesterday. it made me think of my own messy stories, especially the ones i shy away from sharing because i feel particularly embarrassed. i don't know why this is exactly, i realize that we are none of us perfect, but somehow it often feels like maybe that isn't really true. that maybe everyone else really is perfect, and i am the only exception. it sounds so silly when i say it but it feels so true in my mind. anyway, andrea inspired me to share one of my own messy stories.
atlas has the best ears. they are soft like velvet and irresistible. but he doesn't like people to touch his ears or play with his ears. ever.
when atlas first came to live with me, he was a show dog, so we had to spend some time at dog shows.
i didn't love dog shows. the weather was usually hot. there were lots and lots of dogs around. there was stress and excitement in the air. atlas had to wear a show collar and if he pulled or i pulled, it would tighten around his neck, so i didn't like to pull. it just wasn't an environment that i felt at all comfortable in.
in the midst of all of that commotion, i was a brand new dog person learning how to be a dog person and atlas was an excited clever energetic empathic weimaraner puppy.
with all the stress and excitement and heat, it was often hard to get him to listen to me. probably at least once or twice during every dog show, when i couldn't get him to listen and really needed him to listen, i would run out of ideas and options and patience. the only thing i could think to do in those moments of frustration and helplessness was to pinch one of his ears to get his attention.
instantly, my beloved puppy would give this tiny little yelp. the yelp would break my heart and i would hug him and apologize. and yet, in another moment of frustration and helplessness, i would do it again.
it still hurts my heart to think about this. and i'm pretty sure that's why he doesn't like his ears touched. (well, that and regular ear infections.)
you know, i don't really know how to end this. i don't want this to be a story with a lesson or a nice neat ending. i just want to agree that yeah, life is messy, so i guess my messy story will have a messy ending.
it's the 30 days of (something)! oh, yay. i'm so glad for your company in this. you all are inspiring me.
i have to say, my morning pages are going well. i am not exactly rolling out of bed and writing, but i have written (i mean typed) every morning. there really is something about clearing the mind in the morning that lets more good stuff in. the thing i have noticed, however, is that i need to write more than three pages in order for my more unconscious thoughts to start bubbling up. around page four or so, if i write that much, something comes out that i didn't expect.
by the way, for those of you who are also doing morning pages, jamie ridler is hosting a regular check-in this month for people doing morning pages. serendipitous timing, i say!
i did finally decide on my intention (or theme) for the month. it's flow. i spent some time with flow earlier this year, but clearly it needs more time and focus. (actually, the sense i am getting right now is that flow needs to be my word for 2012.) right now, i am just trying to notice when i am not in it. this seems to be often.
if you are joining in and want to check in on this post, i would love love love to hear from you. regardless, know that i am happy that we're all in this together, and am cheering you on.
my 30 days of (shiva nata) practice back in june was made even better because of everyone who joined in with their own particular practice. since september has 30 days, i've decided to do another 30 day practice. you are all invited to join me.
this time, i want to do morning pages. if you've read the artist's way, by julia cameron, you're probably familiar with the idea. in case you're not - it's three pages of writing, every morning, anything that comes to your mind. i am forgoing the written word, however, in order to use 750words.com. i am much more likely to type than i am to write. plus, i am a speedy typer.
in june, i also set an intention (or theme) for the month: permission. i think i want to set an intention for september as well, but i just cannot decide on one. the current top contenders are permission (yes, again), pleasure, flow, and joy. good thing i still have some time.
anyway, that's the plan - 30 days of morning pages, starting september 1.
if you want to join me, i would love to have the company. maybe you have something you want to focus on for 30 days and could use the support? maybe it's a practice? maybe it's a theme? maybe it's something you want to eliminate from your life? the options are endless.
i'll plan to check in on mondays again in case you decide to join me and want to share how it's going.
here's to the joy of practice!
p.s. in case you needed a reminder, all of the prints currently in the shop will disappear sometime on tuesday, just in case there is one you were considering. then, it will be ready for me to add the september collection!
my thoughts are somewhat preoccupied with a new and possibly crazy idea so i must present a post of jumbles.
i bought sugar cones today. and an ice cream scoop. do you know how long it's been since i bought ice cream cones?! forever and a day. that seems all wrong somehow. and then of course i had to buy the ice cream scoop because i just couldn't picture an ice cream cone made without one.
the other day, i went to the library to pick up some books that had come in. as is usual, they are both thinking books: the woman who gave birth to her mother and the obsession: reflections on the tyranny of slenderness. how did i balance them out? by checking out two movies: the justin bieber movie and disney's "the sorcerer's apprentice". i crack myself up. apparently i am a creature of all ages.
blueberries and cream. blueberries and cream. blueberries and cream. that is all i will say about that.
and some things i have been enjoying around the interwebs:
i am in love with this artist's jewelry. i suspect that if i am ever lucky enough to purchase a piece, it will never ever come off.
there's still time to help communicatrix in her goal to raise $50000 in 50 days for writegirl. check it out.
i feel relaxed and refreshed just looking at brooke's pictures from her vacation to ontario.
happy thursday to you! i would love to hear what's on your mind or in your world if you feel moved to share.
{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust - my word for 2011}.
today, i have a story for you.
i ordered the book sea of miracles from amy oscar because i like reading about angels. (i'm glad i did. reading it felt like being enveloped in a warm and loving embrace.)
the day before it arrived in my mailbox, i found a bluebird feather on my morning walk with atlas. a bluebird feather! i adore bluebirds. they are my symbol of happiness; every time i see one, i remember the story about the children who looked everywhere for the bluebird of happiness only to find it once they returned home again. i picked the feather up and brought it home with me.
in her book, she talks about finding feathers. about how she finds feathers, about how people who work with her start finding feathers, about how people who send her angel stories find feathers. when i read that, it made me think of my bluebird feather.
she also talks about how you can ask the angels to send you a sign (as many and as big as you need) to show you that they exist. i decided to ask them for a sign that would absolutely positively convince me when I am most doubtful.
i asked, and then i let it go.
on my evening walk with the pup (yes, he gets a lot of walks), i saw a butterfly. this made me smile. i like to pretend that butterflies are the angels, reminding me that they're near.
a little while later, i found a feather on the path.
after i picked up the feather, atlas pulled me off the path and into the woods. what did we discover in the woods but an entire pile of feathers. it must have been every single feather from a bird. only there was no sign of the bird, just the pile of feathers.
we continued on, out of the woods and down the path again. when we reversed course, what did we discover every few feet or so? more feathers! feathers that i would swear weren't there when we walked the path the few minutes earlier.
by this time, i was laughing away. but i also felt very loved and comforted.
p.s. don't you love my bluebird mobile from red or grey art? i just love it. it hangs in my kitchen, reminding me to slow down and appreciate the moments. and it seemed very fitting for my story.
gluten-free girl and friends are having a pie party today. it was clearly the perfect opportunity to attempt my very-first-pie. i wasn't convinced i wanted to make crust so i bought one instead. yay for pre-made pie crusts.
i made smitten kitchen's peach and creme fraiche pie. sort of. i discovered - after i started - that i was out of baking powder and didn't have enough powdered sugar. since i didn't want to go to the store again, i substituted brown sugar for powdered sugar and skipped the baking powder altogether. (skipping it probably wasn't my best idea, but i didn't have any of the ingredients the ever-helpful internet said you could use as a substitute.)
as a side note, i wonder how one goes about cutting butter into flour without a food processor. it must be possible - everyone in the world clearly doesn't have a food processor - but i cannot seem to do it. (i wonder even harder when it occurs to me that it might be a necessary part of pie crust making.)
mishaps aside, my pie was yummy! thanks to gluten-free girl and friends for inviting us all to join in!
i followed my impulse to head to the ocean yesterday. we arrived at the end of a downpour, left in sunshine, and had most of the beach to ourselves. it was a glorious sandy wet adventure. i feel refreshed and renewed - it had been much too long.
as i drove, i listened to energy anatomy by caroline myss. i made it through the first three chakras and my mind is seriously blown. there is so much to think about. eventually i suspect at least some of my thoughts might make it from my brain to my blog.
speaking of things to think about, here are a few things that are rolling around in my mind.
thought-provoking questions to ask yourself, from poet david whyte.
"What could you do now for yourself or others that your future self would look back on and congratulate you for—something it could view with real thankfulness because the decision you made opened up the life for which it is now eternally grateful?"
redefining what it means to be bad, from justine musk.
"Instead of recognizing a woman as a complex and multi-dimensional being, instead of allowing her the flaws, mistakes and happy accidents that come with the trial-and-error process known as the human condition, we stomp her into a cartoon. We accept an artificial conflict (good girl vs bad girl) and make it important."
will you walk with me, from jennifer louden.
"How do we live within the means of our planet? ... Because community is the only way I see for us to create a better story."
a blue bird from marcie scudder
love will find you out from jen lemen
your beauty from julie daley
monday poem from madelyn mulvaney
and in case you were thinking about it, just a reminder that there are a few days left for the april reiki specials.
happy tuesday, my friends!
